Twenty-six years ago, my daddy became a sober man. He went through hell and back, but he finally got the help he needed. It was that help, that made him the amazing man and father he is today.
A couple years ago, I met someone who was in the exact same place my dad was 26 years ago. He chose to not get help, and quit on his own will power. We started dating and about a month into our relationship, I realized he was a really good manipulator. He would screw up and somehow try to make it my fault. He knew that every time he would screw up, all he had to do was say “I’m sorry” and he had me. He would promise never to do it again and I would forgive him.
This behavior went on for a while. He told me he loved me….then he dropped off the face of the planet and I didn’t hear from him for 3 months. Just like that, he was gone. I was a complete wreck…I ran myself through hell thinking the worst had happened because he wouldn’t answer my texts and my phone calls would go straight to his voicemail. Honestly, I should’ve seen it then. I should’ve seen (and known) that these were the classic signs of an addict. Manipulation, making everything somehow my fault, apologizing and promising never to do it again, telling me he loved me (and obviously not really meaning it)…it was all there.
But I was too naive. I loved him (and I told him so), I would do anything for him and he knew that. He took advantage of that for sure. During this relationship, he led me to believe that I deserved to have a man in my life like him. I thought he truly loved me. I thought we were going to be together. But I was wrong. He was using me. He was using me to fill a void in his life.
After falling off the face of the earth practically, he contacted me out of the blue. He told me he was clean but I knew that wasn’t true. His own will power only lasted him a few months (I knew it was only a matter of time), and he soon became slave to the bottle again. He told me he felt worthless, like a disappointment and that he was a screw up. Now that broke my heart in two. Did he do it to himself? yes. Did he deserve it? Absolutely not. I walked away from that relationship emotionally tired. I’m a helper by nature, so naturally I wanted to fix this. I wanted to help him, but I knew he had to do it himself. Watching this unfold was hard and it messed with me for a while.
Everyone deserves to be loved. He just wanted someone to say “I see you” and “I’m here for you” and “you’re not alone”. I see you brother (or sister!), I see your pain. I see your hurt. I know you want to quit. You know the steps, you know what you need to do. So go get help and quit. That’s a lot easier said than done.
Through that time, I realized….I want to help people like my daddy and like this man who I thought truly loved me. Through that bad relationship, I actually have him to thank believe it or not. Because I found what I was actually meant to do. This year, I became a certified drug and alcohol technician. And I now am in the process of getting a full time job at a rehab facility as a substance abuse counselor. It was through this, that I realized I never want someone to feel how I felt and I never want someone to feel like they’re not worth anything because of their life choices.
Everyone deserves to be loved and seen…they are God’s child. Whether they believe or not. They are still (and always will be) His. Being a counselor is really, really hard. It takes an emotional toll. But at the end of the day, you’re being the hands and feet of Jesus. You’re helping these broken people get the help they need and helping them realize that they don’t need to keep doing this. Some want the help, others don’t. But just knowing that there’s help out there and that you don’t have to walk this path alone. I will be there to fight with you. This is your fight, no one can fight it for you. You have to want it. You have to want the help. You have to do the work, but please know……I will be there to walk it with you 1000%.
I see you, you are loved. You matter. You are worth something. 💕
Heart of Worship 